Adopted by Design

Turning Sadness Into Joy

Adoptive mom Karen shares her family's story of how they bonded with their daughter:

Our first few months home with our daughter were awesome, but then we noticed some sensory issues- today we call it "orphanage hangover." Our travel group shared stories of joy, bonding and family that we couldn't relate to. Our world changed after our daughter came home. We couldn't eat at a restaurant, go to the mall, or go on vacation. Our routine was set 24/7, never changing. Otherwise, she'd fall completely apart.

Our TG friends were supportive. One did point out (words I clung to for two years) that of all the families in our group she could have gone to, how blessed she is to have a doctor for a dad and a developmental disabilities trained social worker for a mom. Because of our education, we saw the signs early and could seek treatment. Two years of OT, play therapy and speech therapy gave her the tools to cope and us the tools to help.

Today, she is a happy, well-adjusted seven year old. We are equipped to help her handle big changes. In two days, we leave on a vacation to Paris, France -- something I never dreamed we'd be able to do with her four years ago. She is excited about the adventure and still sleeping at night! 

I know that adoption preparation has changed a lot since we brought Ellie home, but I want to offer support and encouragement to other families however I can. God has brought other families with sensory overload into our lives these past few years. I marvel how he takes our sadness and turns it to joy as we encourage friends to push through and offer a glimpse of the light at the end of their tunnel. He's amazing!!! We are blessed.

Karen has gracioiusly offered to make herself available to other families who are struggling with similar issues. If you'd like to talk to her more, please email blog@awaa.org and we will put you in contact.

AW China Family Featured in the Local News

The Irwin family was recently featured on their local news program, and they shared their story or adoption and their heart for special needs children with their community. 

You can read the full article and view the video here or watch below.

 

If your adoption story has been featured in your local news and you'd like to share, please email blog@awaa.org.

China: Is There a Family For Me?

During a recent conversation with one of our China program families who adopted two boys from China, Holly Nauss shared an impacting short story:

“At the end of every day as our son Steven is going to bed, he prays, ‘Thank You, God, for my family!’ As his mom, I am reminded every night that he is thankful that he was adopted and I get choked up. We have adopted two boys from China and I shutter to think of what our boys' futures would have been had they not been given a home. Now- they have a family, they have arms that hug them, opportunities that would not have existed for them, a church that teaches them about the Lord, and doctors who can help to heal them. Every child deserves a loving family and in God's eyes, boys are just as valuable and worthy as girls.”

In the China Waiting Children program, there are a large number of boys just waiting for their forever family. In many cases, families interested in adopting a boy through the WCP can be matched very quickly. Many families are not aware that this need exists.  The following families would like share their thoughts on how they adopted precious boys who are now a part of their family:

“We never thought about adopting a boy from China! Our “family picture” seemed to only include girls. Our Family Coordinator asked us a simple question when we contemplated pulling our file, ‘Have you ever considered a boy?’ A boy? ... from China? ... We simply didn’t know there were any available. That simple question changed our lives forever. We went from pulling our file, to bringing home a son! We never imagined our family with a son ... now we can’t imagine our family without one!” – The Hallgren Family

 

 “We have been blessed to adopt three beautiful children from China through AWAA.  During our most recent adoption, our son was adopted via the Waiting Child program.  He has brought much joy, excitement, love and energy that only a little boy can bring to our family.  

Honestly, our family would be not complete without him as a part of it.  We certainly encourage families to consider adopting boys who need nurturing families just as much as little girls do.  We have been blessed and are sure you will be, too.” - The Begeman Family

“Jonathan is our treasure and delight.  Initially, we didn’t even check cleft lip and palate on our initial waiting child application. During a mission trip, the Holy Spirit must have prompted me to think “ this is not a child’s fault that they have cleft lip and palate. You are called to use your gift of good medical care and insurance and walk a child through this”.  I thought, if I walk away because of fear (the unknown of caring for a child with a cleft) this child may still have this condition.  Jonathan has been a delight, a joy, a treasure and  so much fun!  - Suzanne Vincent

Jonathan loves his 2 older sisters and is such a daddy’s boy. He loves to “work” with me in whatever I am doing, helping me fix anything around the house and loves to be held by his daddy.  He runs around and dances when I come home from work and prays with me before he goes to sleep.  I cannot imagine God blessing me more abundantly than he has with Jonathan as my son.  I cannot wait to watch him grown into a boy and then a man of God.   – Larry Vincent

What about you? Will you help change a boy’s prayer from “Is there a family for me?”  to “Thank you, God, for my family.”  If your family is interested in adopting a boy through the China Waiting Children program (WCP), please contact your Family Coordinator or email waitingchildren@awaa.org to learn more about this wonderful opportunity. 

From Travel Group to Family

The cover of the America World calendar this year is a photo of eight girls, all from China. They are all from the same province in China, and the families of these girls met during travel. This travel group has a fun and unique story of the close bond they have formed since returning from China. Please enjoy their story and pictures below, written and submitted by several of the moms. Thanks to Cindy Martens for organizing.

There were 11 families who received their babies one day in Guangdong, and we all really feel like we became one big family.  We have a single mom, one family who had adopted previously, some who were first time parents and some who had older biological children, and yet when we're all together, our diversity only seems to bring us closer.  Our girls are uniquely all within six months of age of each other and will all be in the same grade.  They call each other their China sisters and, no matter how long they've been apart, they fall back into a beautiful familiarity with each other. 

We regularly email each other, we visit as much as we can, and we arrange mini- and entire group reunions whenever possible. We've had mini reunions everywhere from St. Louis to Washington, D.C., to Pennsylvania! Our families, though we are from all different backgrounds and places in parenting and live all across the country, we couldn't be closer in our hearts.  We all say we truly formed a family on that hot day in a crowded conference room in Guangzhou, China.  What a blessing it is to all of us!

I still marvel at this “red couch” photo, where we were able to get seven of our eleven sitting beautifully without crying! 

This is a photo of their birthday party that we threw for them while in China.  Most of us missed their first birthdays, so we gave the girls a party together! Finding a cake proved to be pretty challenging, so we bought them each individual cakes from the hotel's restaurant.

Here is our first Guangdong Girls reunion when our girls were just two.  This time we had TEN of eleven there.  As you can see, they weren't quite as cooperative that time around! We are still waiting for that elusive photo of all eleven. 

While we were anxious to meet other families in our adoption group, we never dreamed that we'd grow to love these families as our own.  We realize that ours is a special connection, and its greatest value is the gift it is for our girls to be able to remain close and maintain their own connection to their beginnings.  My personal prayer is that it will give them a sense of belonging beyond their own families and purpose in where they are now.

Hope Blankets: Following His Call to Care For Orphans

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Ephesians 3:20-21

We are the Gosnell family, we have four biological sons, and we are adopting our daughter from China.  When we began the adoption process, we felt the great desire not only to change the life of our daughter, but to impact the lives of other orphans as well.

As we began  praying about fundraisers, God gave us the idea of Hope Blankets.  We purchased over 100 soft security blankets, and AWAA agreed to help us send them to one of their partnership orphanages in China. 

On September 18, after much prayer and great support from our church leadership, we celebrated Hope Blanket Kick-Off Day.  We asked families to sponsor a blanket for $25, to cover the cost of the blanket and shipping, and to help us with adoption expenses.  The sponsor families then took their blanket home, praying over it and for the child who would receive it.  Then, a few weeks later, on Hope Blanket Collection Day (AKA: Orphan Sunday), we asked all the families to bring their blankets to Sunday morning worship where we prayed for them as a congregation.

Our Girl

My husband and I got engaged in 1999 and got married later that year.  During our engagement we started discussing how we would like our future to look including how many children we wanted in our family.  During the course of that conversation we naively and tacitly agreed we would have two kiddos---one biological and one adopted.

In 2002, we decided to get serious about starting a family.  Since we figured it would be “easiest” we went about the conventional route of “making a family.”  Two years later--after one miscarriage and a full six months of clomid we still weren’t pregnant.  I encountered a book called “Adoption after Infertility.”  Through this book I was able to start processing the loss of having a biological child.  The Lord held my hand during this very low point and showed me that He had a plan for my family that I couldn’t even imagine.  One month later, after many tears I was pregnant.  Our son was born on Easter Day in 2005. 

About the time our son turned 18 months we discussed enlarging our family.  After prayer and discussion we decided to stick with our original plan of adding to our family via adoption.  After attending an adoption conference and talking to a host of families who had adopted we decided to adopt from China.  From the beginning of the process I felt most comfortable adopting a child who was 18 months or younger.   However, Jeremy (my husband) was comfortable adopting a much older child.   We submitted our application to America World in June of 2007 for a healthy baby 18 months or younger. 

As the wait for an infant became longer and my son was becoming older we felt the Lord prompt us to join the Waiting Child program.  We submitted our application for a child 2 and under and continued to wait.  The waiting wasn’t as hard for us as I imagine it was for many who are awaiting the opportunity to be first-time parents but the Lord was showing me in particular that our family would be different than I originally envisioned.  After much prayer and soul searching we changed our waiting child application to a child 8 and under.  My husband and I have always made decisions based on if we are “like minded.”  We joke that Jeremy often comes around to my way of thinking but this time the Lord brought me around to his idea—we were now both open to adopting an older child.

After changing our paperwork we received a call from America World the next day asking us if we were interested in looking at a referral for a 7 year old girl on the waiting child list.  Jeremy never one to make a rash decision looked at the picture and said that’s “our girl.”  I nervously agreed! 

We traveled to bring our daughter home in late summer of 2009.  While in China we realized that our girl was born about the time we started trying to add to our family in 2002.  The Lord had answered our prayers in 2002 in ways that would couldn’t even begin to comprehend.

Lillian BeiBei has been home for almost a year and a half.  We believe that the Lord guided us to our daughter.  She has been a perfect addition to our family and it is hard to remember what life was like before she came home. 

 

The Lord not only provided a wonderful daughter for us but the experience has made us all better people.  The decision to adopt an older child should not be taken lightly but with God’s guidance it could be just what your family needs.  It was certainly true in our case. 

-Andrea Funk

One Mother’s Experience with Bonding

 

I want to take a moment to talk about something that a lot of adoptive parents struggle with and many are afraid to admit. Bonding issues. I have had them with all 3 of my kids. All in completely different ways. And I am at the point where I have accepted that I just take a while. Having said that, while I am going through it, I still feel shame and guilt.

Bonding is different for everyone. I hear stories of so many moms who, whether by birth or adoption, fall madly in love with their children the moment they are in their arms and never have an issue. Take Mary Beth Chapman for example. In her book Choosing to See, she talks about that very thing, while discussing another topic completely. "I saw it. The second she was placed in my arms, I would have fought to the death to protect her. I loved her with everything inside of me."

Now, let me clarify something. I have never felt love so strong as I do for my children. I too, would die to protect them. But for me in the beginning, I had to become familiar with who it was I was protecting. Who it was that I traveled the spans’ of the globe to claim and name as my own and protect forever. God had designed that each of my children would be mine from the moment the universe was created. He knew each of us as Kobys and he would bring us together in this destiny that is our story. But He also knew that it would take me a little while to bond.

It was a decision I had to make at first. As Aimee was plopped into my arms in that stuffy little smoke filled office in the far reaches of south central China, screaming bloody murder and clawing to get away from me as she watched her foster father leave forever, I had to make a decision. "I will love this child. No matter what we go through together, in the end it will make us stronger. It will make us mother and daughter. Forever." I at times had to remind myself of that. Eric had to remind me of that as she (and I) continued to cry for the duration of our trip, overwhelmed by the stress of so many factors. But we would get there. That even though things seem a bit off balance for me now, they will one day just click. And there we will be. Her and I....truly bonded forever.

From Pain & Waiting Comes God’s Perfect Plan

We are the Atchleys from Lebanon, TN and have been married for twelve years.  Looking back, it is obvious to both my husband and I that it was God’s perfect plan all along for us to adopt.  He planted the seed in both of our lives long ago.  It is my earnest prayer that our story will inspire you on your journey whether you are paper-chasing, waiting, or home with your child.

 

Geoff and I got married after college and we both knew that we wanted to have children.  We began trying to have a child and soon realized it was going to be a very difficult road.  We went through fertility treatments and procedures, but neither of us ever felt truly comfortable with that route.  We suffered two miscarriages and were so heartbroken.  It was during this time that we felt God calling us to adopt.  We both knew several people that had adopted children or had been adopted themselves, and had also followed Steven Curtis Chapman’s adoption story. Geoff and I began praying about adopting.  We both felt such a sense of peace for the first time.  We began talking about what direction we felt that God was leading us and one day we were amazed to hear from each other that every time we pictured our child he or she was Asian.  We decided to go through America World and adopt a precious baby from China.  We began our adoption journey on October 15, 2005.  The wait was twelve to fourteen months at that time.  We were so excited!

As everyone now knows, China’s adoption program slowed down and we waited for fifty seven months from the time of our application with AWAA until we got our sweet baby girl.  I have to be completely honest; the wait was one of the hardest times that I have ever been through in my life.  My husband and I experienced every emotion: happiness, fear, anger, sadness, anticipation, doubt, exasperation.  I worried about our baby all the time.  The only way we were able to endure the wait was by God’s grace.  We constantly prayed.  I would tell myself over and over again that God was in control and that His timing was perfect.  I knew that and I clung to it.  That is the best advice that I can give anyone during the long and difficult wait.  Just hold onto the promises of God.  He will be with you every step of the way.  It will be so worth it in the end!  God is always good and He is always faithful to us. 

 

Our referral arrived on June 7, 2010.  We were so overwhelmed and happy!  When we looked at our baby girl’s face for the first time, we cried with joy!  She was the most beautiful baby that we had ever seen.  We named our baby Charley after my father Charles.  Our trip to China was amazing!  It was truly the most wonderful time of our lives.  Nothing can prepare you for the moment when you hold your baby for the first time.  When I saw Charley and they placed her in my arms, I was overcome with emotion.  Instantly, I felt such a deep love for my baby girl.  It is hard to put what it was like into words.  I felt complete.  I was finally holding our daughter and I was a mother.  I just kept thanking God for her.  She was just perfect.  It was as if all the pain from the months of waiting just disappeared when I held Charley.  We spent the rest of our trip getting to know Charley and bonding as a family.  We also grew very close to our travel group.  We made lifelong friendships and truly loved our time in China. 

Above all else, we just want to give all the glory, honor, and praise to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for bringing us together as a forever family just like He planned it so long ago.  We are so grateful that He chose us to be Charley’s parents and to share her life with her.  She was so worth every single minute of the wait.  I would do it all again tomorrow just to be her mother.  Every time I look at her I am reminded of God’s goodness and faithfulness.  I am humbled knowing that if our wait had not taken as long as it did then we would not have our Charley.  We cannot begin to imagine our life without her in it.  We are so in love with her!  God in His sovereignty knew best and He called us to wait for the perfect child for us and I am so thankful that we heard His call and obeyed.  We have always had a heart for adoption and never wondered why He chose us.  I am so honored that He did choose us.  Geoff and I grew closer to one another and to God during our wait.  Our prayer life increased and we grew in our Christian walk.  It is during the trials of life that your faith is strengthened and you learn to lean on God.  There were so many times that all we had was our faith in Him but we realized that was all that we needed.  There is not one thing I would change about our journey because it all led us to our precious baby girl Charley Kaylian.  Enjoy the journey as much as the destination. 

Because of Him,

Alyson, Geoff, and Charley Atchley

Jeremiah 29:11

Thanksgiving Reflections

 

There is a story my grandma likes to tell about the day I was born. I've heard her tell it at least a thousand times...

My grandmother took one look at me when I was born, turned to my paw paw, and with eyes full of tears said "She has ten fingers, and ten toes, on each hand!" My grandfather looked at her and said "I hope not!"

The point is, she was thankful, and trying to communicate that I was healthy, and all my parts were "where they should be". And who would blame her. Everyone prays that their child will be born healthy. I mean, who in their right mind would pray for their child to be born otherwise?

With Thanksgiving, and time spent with my grandma coming up, I know I'm going to hear this story, at least a time or two.

Thanksgiving is a time to reflect. I've been thinking about my blessings.. that leads me to thinking about my precious boys... and that got me thinking about the day they were born... and their bio mama.... Welcome to my brain. It's a scary place.

I'm sure the day my precious boys biological mother gave birth to them, in a Chinese Maonan village, she was a little overwhelmed. She had two precious boys looking up at her with cleft lips and palates, and no real way to feed or care for them. It makes me sad to think she looked at her boys, and unlike my grandmother, she could not fumble her words in thanksgiving that her children were healthy... and "all their parts were where they should be". She had to think about what to do so they could get the care they need. She had to think of giving them up. I can't imagine how hard that must have been. She is a stronger woman then I. I wish she could see it has all turned out OK. No, not OK. Better then OK.

Being a mama to Zach and Coop has changed me, and what my eyes see as "all the parts being in the right place."

A Heart Changed: Adoption from a Grandfather's Perspective

My daughter and son-in-law adopted a little two-and-a-half-year-old girl in 2008 from China. She had severe heart defects and cleft lip and palate. When they first told us they were starting the adoption in the summer of 2007, I was not on board for a while. I very quickly came to terms with the idea and am today blessed to be called "Papa" by this wonderful little girl who is now five years old and very healthy. I love my youngest granddaughter very much.

 
 

Sometime in 2009 my daughter and son-in-law told us they were adopting again—this time, a ten-year-old boy from China. I was really not wanting to hear that. I thought this child was too old and we have five grandchildren already, including their three children and my oldest daughter's two children. I didn’t want any more; five was definitely enough. But late in 2009 they began to talk and pray about trying to adopt a five-year-old boy at the same time as their then waiting ten-year-old son. I thought they were crazy. I really thought they had gone off the deep end. I sure didn’t want two more grandsons at the same time! I had five grandchildren already.